The Real Reason Justin Hartley Guards His Marriage Like a Fortress

Your closest friends might actually be your relationship’s biggest threat—and they may have no idea they’re doing damage.

That’s the hard-won wisdom actor Justin Hartley shared on the Tuesday, May 5 episode of Tommy DiDario’s“I’ve Never Said This Before”podcast. At 49, Hartley’s learned to be brutally selective about who gets access to his most valued connections, including his marriage to Sofia Pernas. And it starts with something his stepdad told him years ago: protect your relationships like they’re sacred ground.

The thing is, Hartley isn’t talking about saboteurs with malicious intent. He’s talking about people in your orbit who simply can’t handle your happiness. They’re not bad people—they just can’t process that you’ve got something good going on. Maybe they’re stuck in their own struggle, maybe they’re envious, or maybe they’ve never experienced that kind of love themselves. Whatever the reason, when you’re building something rare and fragile, their energy becomes corrosive. Hartley knows the difference between having a friend who genuinely roots for you and someone who’s unconsciously rooting against your relationship through jealousy or resentment.

He gets it because he’s been there. Hartley admitted to battling envy before, but he realized it never once served him positively. These days, when he encounters someone’s success or happiness, he chooses encouragement over comparison. That shift in perspective? That’s the kind of maturity that protects love.

Hartley and Pernas first crossed paths on The Young and The Restless in 2015, but they reconnected and exchanged vows in 2021. He describes their bond as the kind people write songs about—a soulmate connection that not everyone gets to experience. And precisely because it’s so rare and special, he treats it like something that requires conscious protection. When you have it, you hold on to it. You’re selective. You don’t let just anyone’s energy near it.

That’s not paranoia or isolation. That’s wisdom. It’s recognizing that some relationships need boundaries, not to keep people out of your life, but to keep the wrong energy out of your most important connections. In a world where everyone’s got an opinion about your love, sometimes the greatest act of devotion is knowing who deserves a seat at that table—and who doesn’t.